burning, searing, itching throat.

It started 4months back and is still not ready to go. And today is one of those days where it's there with a vengeance - continuously itching and sharp pain (which I can't describe) at intervals. It's even difficult to talk loud now. I am sure it is related to the dentigeorous cyst or whatever I have in my jaw which is too infected. I am trying to listen to music as research shows it helps you forget pain(no idea if emotional or physical).  I am also trying to focus my attention on other things like : writing and not-thinking-about-the-pain which is the only advice I get from people (fucking idiots) as if that's even possible! I should probably inject them with the mucus (yeah right it came out from the cyst ! ) which gave me this infection then make them use their own therapy. I am also remembering the words from fight club :

Guided meditation works for cancer, it can work for this.
"Look at your hand," Tyler says.
Don't look at your hand.
Don't think of the word searing or flesh or tissue or charred.
Don't hear yourself cry.
Guided meditation.
You're in Ireland. Close your eyes.
You're in Ireland the summer after you left college, and you're drinking at a pub near the castle where every day busloads of English and American tourists come to kiss the Blarney stone.
"Don't shut this out," Tyler says. "Soap and human sacrifice go hand in hand."
You leave the pub in a stream of men, walking through the beaded wet car silence of streets where it's just rained. It's night. Until you get to the Blarneystone castle.
The floors in the castle are rotted away, and you climb the rock stairs with blackness getting deeper and deeper on every side with every step up. Everybody is quiet with the climb and the tradition of this little act of rebellion.
"Listen to me," Tyler says. "Open your eyes.
"In ancient history," Tyler says, "human sacrifices were made on a hill above a river. Thousands of people. Listen to me. The sacrifices were made and the bodies were burned on a pyre.
"You can cry," Tyler says. "You can go to the sink and run water over your hand, but first you have to know that you're stupid and you will die. Look at me.
"Someday," Tyler says, "you will die, and until you know that, you're useless to me."
You're in Ireland.
"You can cry," Tyler says, "but every tear that lands in the lye flakes on your skin will burn a cigarette burn scar."
Guided meditation. You're in Ireland the summer after you left college, and maybe this is where you first wanted anarchy. Years before you met Tyler Durden, before you peed in your first creme anglaise, you learned about little acts of rebellion.
In Ireland.

this is not working either maybe the ENT will have something useful when I meet him today. Fucking Indian doctors, all they have by hearted knowledge and no interest in research or figuring something out or 'think out the box' no wonder the country is so fucked up! But ego, yeah, you try explaining your doctor something you read on the internet and they'll surely tell you to let him fucking handle it, even a barber for that matter.

 

need more days of doing nothing

College has started on 5th jan 2010 and today is 7th and I still did not go. The principal arrogant fuck that he is gave us 6 day vacation after a month of exams which lasted from 1st to 30th december of the last year. So I am very tired of everything and would actually like a month of getting up by 11am sitting on the chair next to the security guard of the building I stay and look around then come home watch a movie or go out witch manu and sagar (and whoever comes) to a bar for beer and some nice food- more of food than beer ! The kitten I posted about in the previous post is still missing but it had that little cup of milk I left it that day, I still want to get it to safety as soon as I find it. Just remembered about the internet payment I made to the isp guy yusuf, so nothing left to pay him until next renewal (this one ends on 2nd feb, 2011). Back to the title of the post, I have not enjoyed such holidays before maybe because I watched into the wild and now thinking that I don't need to worry about money for buying things anymore all I need money is for the internet, few new clothes, shoes, and good food, who needs a flat in mumbai or a big brand car or expensive shit we don't need(as tyler says in fight club). I also need cash to buy some books, reading in that infinity mall is not so pleasant experience after all. Read that day for 2 hours without break and by the 10th chapter I felt I was reading it in sleep. Enough.

The kitten under the car !

We were sitting on chairs in the building compound and suddenly started hearing mew-mew sounds from under the cars. I wanted to help it ASAP by getting it some milk and taking it to a safer place away from the dogs and humans(the kid's almost killed it !). This was not the first time I was dealing with something like this, a few years back we successfully help one such lost cat-soul which got away from the mother. We gave it milk, everyone loved it and then 2 days later dropped it into the local fish market where there's lot of food(the left overs from the fish cleaning). I want to do the same this time but the little one won't come out from under the car where it has found some secret place on the upper side of the underneath of an car. I put some milk in a small cup in there, and it had that but the mew-mew starts every time it's threatened. I try to pick it up but then again it slides there down. Have to get back to it again, let's see how far I get.

PS : I love nature and I can't see an animal suffering like this.

a month of exams !..

3 months before 1st of dec I with many others knew this day would come and exams would start. Nobody bothered then, except a few smart minds from college who only do one thing right, that is to study. So all the time went talking in lectures(where teachers can't speak english ), and one who can are so fucking boring you feel sleepy even after you've slept for 10hrs. Till exams started blogging was a distant thing and once they start all I can think of with the book in hand is about blogging and posts, adsense, social bookmarking etc. This was really a strange experience as it had happened before but it gave me a a lot to think about as to why I can't concentrate on studying and blogging was not the only distraction, family planning, wife, kids, invention of facebook ( as if I had done it) etc. consumed a lot of my studying time and by lot I mean hours on end. I don't know what was the point in so much imagination and why my brain was doing it but it was clearly out of my control something like I only get the ideas when I am under pressure or tensed or trying to focus on something very different. What has blogging or my life plans got to with Computer organization and architecture but my brain was really dealing with it some other way.